I don't know what is with grandparent's lately. I have read so many articles online about the "baby boomer" generation and how selfish they are. And although I don't have any grandkids of my own yet, (or anytime soon since my children are teenagers) I do know what kind of grandparent I won't be.
I have always had several different sets of grandparent's with both of my parent's being divorced and remarried. I had at one time four or five different sets because my birth mother had been a foster child when she was younger as well. Her real parent's were never around so I never really got to know them. My dad's parent's I was around. I love my Papaw. He was amazing. I can't for the life of me every remember him telling us no or being mean to us. He is and has always been my favorite. Someone I truly respect and honor. When he goes I know there will be a big whole in my heart for him. My Nana on the other hand is a whole other subject. I do remember a lot of things about her. Like how she favors to this day my brother over all of my dad's kids. Or how she favors some of my other cousins over other's. Or how she would yell at us constantly about little things. I do remember one time when my dad and ex stepmother were fighting bad and we had to go stay with my grandparent's for a week. It was awful and I was so scared. I should have felt peaceful but I didn't. I would love going to their house to see my grandfather but that funny feeling in my stomach about my grandmother is there and always will be. It makes family get togethers very weird. So much to the point that I hadn't gone in years to a family function until recently and when I did I felt like I was the outsider instead of my boyfriend. I don't remember them coming to our games or watching us when we had drill team. The older we got it seemed the less interested in us she was. It's sad to think of all the wonderful things she missed out on and now with my children. How much she has missed with them. It's not everyone who gets to see their great grandchildren. She didn't even meet my son until he was five or six.
I did have a wonderful set of grandparent's. My mom's foster family. They were it for me. It was never an issue for them that we weren't blood. They treated us equally and fairly and to them we were their grand kids. Every Christmas, birthdays, holidays they were there. Our games, our school activities. When my dad and ex step mom went to Vegas. My great aunt and great grandmother would drive us to school twenty five minutes away. They got up extra early and made us full breakfasts. My sister and I were the coolest kids because when they packed our lunches they would have like fresh strawberries and roast with veggies. It was awesome. My real mom wasn't around so for me they were my other parent. Weekends and summers it was great and even when I started having my own children they were there. It hurts sometimes because although my daughters knew them somewhat my son never will. They are what grandparent's should be like. Supportive and nice and calming and just there.
I had my ex step mom's family as well and since her parent's were divorced I had two sets of grandparent's for them. Her mom and her mom'shusband and her sister's were great with us and for the most part always treated us the same. Her dad on the other hand and his wife were the complete opposite. We knew we were the step kids and were treated that way. It was hard back then and I think that has something to do with some of the issues I had with these articles on grandparent's today because of my own childhood experiences.
My new stepmother and my dad are great with my kids. They have been there for them and although both of my parent's work full time. They make an effort to see them when they can. My stepmother calls at least once a week and checks on them. I am sure though that we speak way more then that. My dad has taken my son and done the grandparent bonding things. And my daughters absolutely adore him. They love him and you can see their face's light up when we talk about them. Or if they call my cell they are begging to talk and have me tell them things. My dad calls and my youngest daughter is don't tell grandpa this about that boy etc. She want's him to always be proud of her. All three of my children know that my dad and step mom will always be there for them. And yet it's still sad. Because now my children have to deal with the same issue's I do with some of their other grandparent's.
I will say this I know exactly the kind of grandparent I am going to be. I am so looking forward to it. I know I will be one of the younger grandparent's since I am only 32 now and my oldest daughter is 16. ( I assume by the time she's in her middle to late twenty's she will have children which would make me only in my 40's) I am still going to enjoy every minute I can with them. We never know how long we have and I don't want to waist a second of it.
So here's my question to you what kind of grandparent's did you have? What kind of grandparent do you want to be?
If you want more information on families here is a link to help
I have always had several different sets of grandparent's with both of my parent's being divorced and remarried. I had at one time four or five different sets because my birth mother had been a foster child when she was younger as well. Her real parent's were never around so I never really got to know them. My dad's parent's I was around. I love my Papaw. He was amazing. I can't for the life of me every remember him telling us no or being mean to us. He is and has always been my favorite. Someone I truly respect and honor. When he goes I know there will be a big whole in my heart for him. My Nana on the other hand is a whole other subject. I do remember a lot of things about her. Like how she favors to this day my brother over all of my dad's kids. Or how she favors some of my other cousins over other's. Or how she would yell at us constantly about little things. I do remember one time when my dad and ex stepmother were fighting bad and we had to go stay with my grandparent's for a week. It was awful and I was so scared. I should have felt peaceful but I didn't. I would love going to their house to see my grandfather but that funny feeling in my stomach about my grandmother is there and always will be. It makes family get togethers very weird. So much to the point that I hadn't gone in years to a family function until recently and when I did I felt like I was the outsider instead of my boyfriend. I don't remember them coming to our games or watching us when we had drill team. The older we got it seemed the less interested in us she was. It's sad to think of all the wonderful things she missed out on and now with my children. How much she has missed with them. It's not everyone who gets to see their great grandchildren. She didn't even meet my son until he was five or six.
I did have a wonderful set of grandparent's. My mom's foster family. They were it for me. It was never an issue for them that we weren't blood. They treated us equally and fairly and to them we were their grand kids. Every Christmas, birthdays, holidays they were there. Our games, our school activities. When my dad and ex step mom went to Vegas. My great aunt and great grandmother would drive us to school twenty five minutes away. They got up extra early and made us full breakfasts. My sister and I were the coolest kids because when they packed our lunches they would have like fresh strawberries and roast with veggies. It was awesome. My real mom wasn't around so for me they were my other parent. Weekends and summers it was great and even when I started having my own children they were there. It hurts sometimes because although my daughters knew them somewhat my son never will. They are what grandparent's should be like. Supportive and nice and calming and just there.
I had my ex step mom's family as well and since her parent's were divorced I had two sets of grandparent's for them. Her mom and her mom'shusband and her sister's were great with us and for the most part always treated us the same. Her dad on the other hand and his wife were the complete opposite. We knew we were the step kids and were treated that way. It was hard back then and I think that has something to do with some of the issues I had with these articles on grandparent's today because of my own childhood experiences.
My new stepmother and my dad are great with my kids. They have been there for them and although both of my parent's work full time. They make an effort to see them when they can. My stepmother calls at least once a week and checks on them. I am sure though that we speak way more then that. My dad has taken my son and done the grandparent bonding things. And my daughters absolutely adore him. They love him and you can see their face's light up when we talk about them. Or if they call my cell they are begging to talk and have me tell them things. My dad calls and my youngest daughter is don't tell grandpa this about that boy etc. She want's him to always be proud of her. All three of my children know that my dad and step mom will always be there for them. And yet it's still sad. Because now my children have to deal with the same issue's I do with some of their other grandparent's.
I will say this I know exactly the kind of grandparent I am going to be. I am so looking forward to it. I know I will be one of the younger grandparent's since I am only 32 now and my oldest daughter is 16. ( I assume by the time she's in her middle to late twenty's she will have children which would make me only in my 40's) I am still going to enjoy every minute I can with them. We never know how long we have and I don't want to waist a second of it.
If you want more information on families here is a link to help
This is sweet! My favorite grandma didn't live close to me, so I didn't get to see her as often as I wanted to. She never got to come to my events. She didn't send extravagant gifts. But what she did.... she loved me. She was proud of me. She was quiet but accepting. She never forgot my birthday even if it was just a simple card... I looked forward to it. There was just something about the heart of that woman.... she was special. I hope I can be like her and make people around me feel loved. Sadly, I think our society has changed a lot. We now have more broken families and "step" is not just a title but an excuse to be less accepting and less loving. That is not the way. The way is to get rid of that word, and just be a family. (I bet no one ever thinks about Joseph treating Jesus like a step-child but he was...)
ReplyDeleteLove and accept each other. Give grace. And keep expectations in check... a lot of times we set ourselves and the other people up by having unfair and unrealistic expectations.
I have no doubt you will be a wonderful grandma. But I hope that is quite a ways out in the future. ;-)
Love ya. GREAT job, Jenn,
xoxo