Recently I went on a rampage when my daughter Katie is who is 13 had been acting weird all afternoon after coming home from school. I couldn't for the life of me see what the problem was. I mean she is my happy go lucky child. She wakes up happy and smiling, never stops talking, and is still talking when she goes to sleep at night. Her phone (yes she has a cell) had been going off all day but not that unusual she is a teenage girl. During dinner I made her put it up and she had told me she was using it to help with her homework. She kept going into the bathroom a lot and staying there for 10 to 20 minutes. The last time this happened it was 8:00 pm and she still hadn't finished her work. I looked at her and my normal happy child had the most heart breaking look on her face and I just knew something was wrong. She didn't want to tell me at first until I insisted and she just broke down crying. Big fat tears rolling down my angelic sweet dimpled blue eyed blond haired child and I broke. I wanted to know what was so bad that she my "good" child was so upset about. She was being bullied. One of her supposed friends was going around saying she was going to kick her butt at school. And to top it all off she sent it to Kate on text messages. I was livid. How DARE this girl threaten my child. What could Katie possibly have done to go to the extreme that this teenage girl felt the need to text not 20 times or even 50 but 96 times in one afternoon. There were messages calling my daughter a whore and a bitch and a fugly (f.... ugly I had to look that one up) calling her a fat a.. Saying that all their mutual friends weren't Kate's friends anymore and she didn't belong in school. Texting her message after message of awful things and here my daughter was taking it. She even sent messages apologizing to this girl when she hadn't done anything wrong. She was still apologizing to her. I grab my daughters phone and texted this diva to have her mother call me now. I was going to let this girl's mother know exactly the harm her daughter was causing only to have her mother an adult who I assumed was like me and would demand her child to stop tell me that I needed to check my child because her daughter had the right to do this. That if Kate hadn't "talked" about her daughter to other girl's it wouldn't have happened. That her daughter had anger issues so it was okay. Needless to say I was shocked. I had lost all thought and reason. Couldn't even speak. I was sitting listening to this adult tell me it was my daughter's fault that her child was a bully and I needed to "handle mine". Then I got really mad. I admit I went off on this mom. I told her even if Kate had said something (which by the way she didn't and it was confirmed with the other girls) that it didn't justify the abuse and threats that her child was belting out. I asked this "mother," because she isn't really one no decent mother or adult would allow a child to do and say the things she did, if she was going to fix this. The mom tells me that there's nothing wrong that it was my child who needed to be taken care of. WELL then alright. I will fix it myself. I told her I hoped she had a good lawyer because in this state we don't tolerate threats and I had 96 messages to back up my claims. I was going to do what I needed to do to protect my child. I was going to the school the next morning and the police to file a report. I hung up on her mother because it was pointless like talking to a stone wall. I did continue to get messages on her phone from this girl. This time saying she was really sorry and that she was just mad and couldn't control her mouth. That she was going through a lot of things and just took it out on Kate. That she was trying to get sober and was under so much stress. As I continued to read the messages I stopped. Wait did she just say sober? Turns out this girl was using drugs and had been since she was ten. She was texting she wanted to die. This fourteen year old girl didn't want to live anymore. Then I broke again but this time not for my child but for someone else's. I went through a lot of thing's when I was that age. I was a teen mom but I in all my 32 years had never been addicted to any drug or alcohol. And here this teenager this little girl had been doing it since she was ten. And now she was trying to get sober and it was so hard she wanted to die. She was upset because she thought Katie had betrayed her friendship and her boyfriend had apparently died that week form drugs as well. And then it hit me. Kate had known all this time, they were friends, this girl's worst secrets and she had never even told me. I knew then what exactly Kate had done for her. She had been a normal friend. One without vices, without issues or drama and she thought she had lost that. That this girl no longer had a trusting shoulder to cry on and spill her secrets to. She was alone and hurting and so she wanted to hurt the person who had what she wanted. A parent who loved their child and paid attention to their wants and needs. It wasn't even a hard choice at that point I became the mature adult I was supposed to be and started sending messages back. Encouraging this teen to not do anything drastic. That she had her whole life ahead of her to look forward to. That this wasn't the end just a fresh start and new beginning. I became the mom she needed.
I did got to the school the next morning with my daughter and her phone. Kate's school has a police officer on campus as well as a gentleman who is in charge of all the safety and security of the students. I showed them the text messages and let Kate tell them what her side of the story was. These men whose job it is to protect our children while they are in school told me that their wasn't much they could do. That girl's were sometimes mean and that this bully did apologize for what she had said and done. That she said in the text she wasn't going to beat Katie up after all and that was good enough for them.They didn't even go through ten of the messages. I asked my daughter to step outside of the room that I wanted to speak to these men alone for a moment. I was furious. I came to them to have this situation taken care of . It was their job to take care of it. And to have these men tell both Kate and myself that it seemed the situation would work itself out. That there was a zero tolerance policy at the school and although yes Katie was being bullied that if she wasn't cornered into a wall or having the person on top of her where she couldn't walk away that she would face the same punishment. That punishment being arrested and sent to juvey. They told my daughter who is a teacher's aide who I could right now go and get signatures from not only her middle school teachers now but her elementary school teachers as well that she would be arrested for defending herself. It was absolutely ridiculous. I felt awful like I had failed her again. These men wanted her to have a mediation with this girl. This broken addicted girl. The same one who is threatening her. As bad as I felt for the child and all the problems she was going through I still didn't want my daughter near her. You hear and see all the horror stories on the news and reading online and of course I imagine the worst. Whose to say this girl who clearly has access to drugs didn't have access to weapons. That me reporting this to the school would set her off again and she would want to retaliate against Kate. And what about this girl. She was obviously having major issues at home. Where was the help for her. The adults who she could go to if she needed anything. Are they telling her the same thing they were telling us? We as parent's are supposed to raise our children but who is there when we fail at our job. Where's the justice in two teen girls needing support and help and so much more from the teachers and staff they are supposed to go to when they can't go to their parent's. It just seemed so wrong. We need to do more for our children. We need to be there for the one's whose parent's aren't and we need to stop this cycle of abuse and drugs and "pushing" things under the rug. I went to the superintendent about all of these concerns.
Kate and the girl are still in school. For the first week after this happened the officer followed Kate around school. Katie of course hated it. She said she felt like she was the one in trouble. The next day after the mediation all of their mutual friends knew. The supposed "don't involve anyone else" order was not followed by the girl. That first day back was hard for Kate none of the girls would talk to her and she ended up eating alone at lunch. The school counselor spoke with Kate and even some of her teacher's who had heard from some of the other kids kept an eye on both girls. They still had most of the classes together. The teachers made Kate feel better and told her to hold her chin up she could do this. And she did. She stood up and showed them that she was stronger than that and that she wasn't going to be bullied. And she showed me how courageous she was. As the days went by the rest of the girls started to talk to her again. That third day when she had come home from school she was back to her old self. She was my Kate again. My loving adorable kid who laughed and loved everything.. She had said her friends realized the truth (thanks to some very caring teachers) and that they were tired of being bullied to. The kids went on spring break and now that they are back in school everything seems to have be forgotten. I still think about the girl who for a second turned my family upside down. I hope that everyone who was involved in this learned a lesson. And I hope she gets the help she is desperately crying out for. Everything isn't black and white. Sometimes it's gray,
StopBullying.gov/live Get Help Now
I did got to the school the next morning with my daughter and her phone. Kate's school has a police officer on campus as well as a gentleman who is in charge of all the safety and security of the students. I showed them the text messages and let Kate tell them what her side of the story was. These men whose job it is to protect our children while they are in school told me that their wasn't much they could do. That girl's were sometimes mean and that this bully did apologize for what she had said and done. That she said in the text she wasn't going to beat Katie up after all and that was good enough for them.They didn't even go through ten of the messages. I asked my daughter to step outside of the room that I wanted to speak to these men alone for a moment. I was furious. I came to them to have this situation taken care of . It was their job to take care of it. And to have these men tell both Kate and myself that it seemed the situation would work itself out. That there was a zero tolerance policy at the school and although yes Katie was being bullied that if she wasn't cornered into a wall or having the person on top of her where she couldn't walk away that she would face the same punishment. That punishment being arrested and sent to juvey. They told my daughter who is a teacher's aide who I could right now go and get signatures from not only her middle school teachers now but her elementary school teachers as well that she would be arrested for defending herself. It was absolutely ridiculous. I felt awful like I had failed her again. These men wanted her to have a mediation with this girl. This broken addicted girl. The same one who is threatening her. As bad as I felt for the child and all the problems she was going through I still didn't want my daughter near her. You hear and see all the horror stories on the news and reading online and of course I imagine the worst. Whose to say this girl who clearly has access to drugs didn't have access to weapons. That me reporting this to the school would set her off again and she would want to retaliate against Kate. And what about this girl. She was obviously having major issues at home. Where was the help for her. The adults who she could go to if she needed anything. Are they telling her the same thing they were telling us? We as parent's are supposed to raise our children but who is there when we fail at our job. Where's the justice in two teen girls needing support and help and so much more from the teachers and staff they are supposed to go to when they can't go to their parent's. It just seemed so wrong. We need to do more for our children. We need to be there for the one's whose parent's aren't and we need to stop this cycle of abuse and drugs and "pushing" things under the rug. I went to the superintendent about all of these concerns.
Kate and the girl are still in school. For the first week after this happened the officer followed Kate around school. Katie of course hated it. She said she felt like she was the one in trouble. The next day after the mediation all of their mutual friends knew. The supposed "don't involve anyone else" order was not followed by the girl. That first day back was hard for Kate none of the girls would talk to her and she ended up eating alone at lunch. The school counselor spoke with Kate and even some of her teacher's who had heard from some of the other kids kept an eye on both girls. They still had most of the classes together. The teachers made Kate feel better and told her to hold her chin up she could do this. And she did. She stood up and showed them that she was stronger than that and that she wasn't going to be bullied. And she showed me how courageous she was. As the days went by the rest of the girls started to talk to her again. That third day when she had come home from school she was back to her old self. She was my Kate again. My loving adorable kid who laughed and loved everything.. She had said her friends realized the truth (thanks to some very caring teachers) and that they were tired of being bullied to. The kids went on spring break and now that they are back in school everything seems to have be forgotten. I still think about the girl who for a second turned my family upside down. I hope that everyone who was involved in this learned a lesson. And I hope she gets the help she is desperately crying out for. Everything isn't black and white. Sometimes it's gray,
StopBullying.gov/live Get Help Now
| The problem | What you can do |
|---|---|
| There has been a crime or someone is at immediate risk of harm. | Call 911. |
| Someone is feeling hopeless, helpless, thinking of suicide. | Contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  online or at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).The toll-free call goes to the nearest crisis center in our national network. These centers provide 24-hour crisis counseling and mental health referrals. |
| Someone is acting differently than normal, such as always seeming sad or anxious, struggling to complete tasks, or not being able care for themselves. | Find a local counselor or other mental health services |
| A child is being bullied in school. | Contact the:
|
| The school is not adequately addressing harassment based on race, color, national origin, sex, disability, or religion. | Contact:
|
Wow. This brought a little tear to my eye. I know that doesn't come as a big shock. :-) I tell my kids that, "everyone has a story that can make you cry, remember that when dealing with people." But it's so hard to show compassion when they are making you cry on purpose. Trying to hurt you. But that is the first indication that something is wrong with THEM. It's so true that it's not always black and white! Great job, Jenn! Love this.
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